Angst on a Shoestring

Thursday, November 09, 2006


"Feeling a Little Wobbly?"

Or maybe you feel like Rosie the Riveter?
Look no further than the Union Shop of the AFL/CIO. Everything that is sold is union made and supports the "folks that brought you the weekend." Great clothing, posters, even Holiday cards. And get this, American Flags made by..Americans! Smell that? That's sarcasm.

One of the things that makes my blood boil is listening to ditto-heads talk about lazy unions and their members. They never had to work in a sweat shop, and I'm sure if you made them work past 40 hours, with no overtime, they would be the biggest bitches.

tony_baldrickWait for the shake!

There's a great series on the History International channel. It's called The Worst Jobs in History. Hosted by Tony "Baldrick" Robinson, we romp through those alleged care free days of yesteryear. Thrill to fun jobs like Saltpetre Man:Seeking Rough Ralphs and Welsh Wills. The Saltpetre Company – whose slogan you will no doubt be aware of: 'We're taking the piss' – are recruiting door-to-door collectors in your area.

The position requires you to force your way into premises to collect as much urine as possible. The homes of friends, family, neighbours and even the clergy can be broken into if needs be and the precious urine extracted for the manufacture of saltpetre, which in turn will be used to make gunpowder.

The company operates an equal opportunities policy, and we have been assured that a criminal record will not hinder your chances of being appointed to this post – in fact, it would be a bonus.

Or how about Lancemaker: This position is available for those artistic types who like living life at the sharp end. You will spend an age lovingly crafting a beautifully balanced weapon and then carefully painting and decorating it with intricate designs. Then a posh knight will smash it into thousands of pieces in moment.

Using an ash bow-lathe, you can create a lance handle in about half a day. Then the careful construction of the shaft can begin. By the precision placing of laminates, you will create the ultimate lance – one that can prise the opposition from their horse, but will also shatter on impact so as not to endanger the life of the knight. If you get the construction wrong and harm one of the medieval big cheeses, you can expect to pay with your life.

Large batch orders for lances are expected for international tournaments. Prissy types and those precious about their work need not apply.


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