Angst on a Shoestring

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


Such A Pretty Face

Portrait of the Artist, age 4

All my life, I heard "such a pretty face,
why don't you lose weight?"

I hated hearing it time and again..

I heard it as my mom would load my plate

with adult sized portions of food, that had to be eaten..

cause there were starving children

and your father works hard..

So for the starving kids and Dad, I ate.

I heard it as I would go clothes shopping

in the Pretty Plus section at Sears,

I heard it as total strangers would whisper to themsleves

as though fat meant deaf as well.

I learned to blend in with my surroundings..

trying not to be's quite easy to do.

Hating myself for not being "normal"

I saw things differently than other kids...

I was artistic and mom taught us to read at home..

so my vocabulary was at a higher level..

made me more of an outcast.

I hated being different.

I wanted to be wanted.

I wanted the boys to like me.

I wanted to be everyone's favorite friend.

I wanted to be normal.

At 12, who really knows what normal is?..


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